Letter From the Editor | May

ashlei coleman-turner

I’ve got a question for you:

How do you determine your worth?

I know that’s a big question to be asking on a Monday morning.

But as we cruise into a new month and I continue down this new, yet familiar, path of blogging I have to stop and wonder.

This time last year I was about to make – what I thought – was going to be one of the biggest steps in my life: moving abroad.

That has since been replaced with getting pregnant and having a baby while living abroad – but we’ll save that discussion for another day.

Back then, in addition to moving, I was also prepping and planning to launch another blog. Which coincidentally has been the story of my life for the past 4 years.

Prepping, planning, launching and then letting life, fear, and my good ol’ pal perfectionism get in my way, pulling me back from achieving what I set out to do.

It’s a cycle that I’ve become all too familiar with.

I had big dreams and bold goals for each new project. So big and bold that deep down they scared the shit out of me.

And that fear made it oh-so-easy for me to pull away at the exact moment when things got tough.

It was like the universe was telling me this isn’t right for me – or at least that’s what I’d tell myself.

So I’d pull back, things would fall behind, I’d stumble and begrudgingly let it all go.

Then I’d wait and wallow.

Internally beating myself up for being so…..worthless.

Wait and wallow.

Until that spark of inspiration and determination returned so I could dive into prepping, planning, and launching mode again – a mode I’m comfortable and familiar with being in.

Falling into this cycle over and over made me start questioning was it all worth it?

Or more accurately – was I worth it?

Was I worthy of the big dreams and bold goals?

The joy, excitement, and creative fulfilment?

The feeling of accomplishment and purpose?

Which brings me back to the original question:

How do you determine your worth?

The me during the past 4 years would have taken a look at my “success vs. failure” ratio, saw one greatly outweighed the other, and determine my worth as minuscule, practically nonexistent.

Now I’ll be totally upfront and say that the me today isn’t 100% cured of this thought process – but I’m on the mend.

I’m learning to embrace the fact that my worth isn’t determined by the number of success vs failures I’ve gathered in my past, or how many people are subscribed to my mailing list, or how many followers I have on my Instagram.

The level of my worth isn’t a numbers game.

And if you’re wondering – neither is yours.

Our worth isn’t determined by how well we do something, but how committed we are to doing it.

“Your worth isn’t determined by the number of your successes or failures, but by your commitment to the path.”

So yes, I may of been down this blogging road before (several times before), and yes it’s scary and I feel unsure of myself more often than not.

But I’ve been committed.

It may have veered off road here and there (such is life), but I always find myself back on this particular path.

It makes me think that instead of the universe trying to pull me away, maybe…just maybe, it’s actually trying to keep me on track.

Because I am worthy of my big dreams and bold goals.

Of life filled with joy, excitement, and creative fulfillment.

Of feeling accomplished and having purpose.

I’m worth it.

And so are you.

 

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing this post.
xx