Letter From the Editor | May

ashlei coleman-turner

I’ve got a question for you:

How do you determine your worth?

I know that’s a big question to be asking on a Monday morning.

But as we cruise into a new month and I continue down this new, yet familiar, path of blogging I have to stop and wonder.

This time last year I was about to make – what I thought – was going to be one of the biggest steps in my life: moving abroad.

That has since been replaced with getting pregnant and having a baby while living abroad – but we’ll save that discussion for another day.

Back then, in addition to moving, I was also prepping and planning to launch another blog. Which coincidentally has been the story of my life for the past 4 years.

Prepping, planning, launching and then letting life, fear, and my good ol’ pal perfectionism get in my way, pulling me back from achieving what I set out to do.

It’s a cycle that I’ve become all too familiar with.

I had big dreams and bold goals for each new project. So big and bold that deep down they scared the shit out of me.

And that fear made it oh-so-easy for me to pull away at the exact moment when things got tough.

It was like the universe was telling me this isn’t right for me – or at least that’s what I’d tell myself.

So I’d pull back, things would fall behind, I’d stumble and begrudgingly let it all go.

Then I’d wait and wallow.

Internally beating myself up for being so…..worthless.

Wait and wallow.

Until that spark of inspiration and determination returned so I could dive into prepping, planning, and launching mode again – a mode I’m comfortable and familiar with being in.

Falling into this cycle over and over made me start questioning was it all worth it?

Or more accurately – was I worth it?

Was I worthy of the big dreams and bold goals?

The joy, excitement, and creative fulfilment?

The feeling of accomplishment and purpose?

Which brings me back to the original question:

How do you determine your worth?

The me during the past 4 years would have taken a look at my “success vs. failure” ratio, saw one greatly outweighed the other, and determine my worth as minuscule, practically nonexistent.

Now I’ll be totally upfront and say that the me today isn’t 100% cured of this thought process – but I’m on the mend.

I’m learning to embrace the fact that my worth isn’t determined by the number of success vs failures I’ve gathered in my past, or how many people are subscribed to my mailing list, or how many followers I have on my Instagram.

The level of my worth isn’t a numbers game.

And if you’re wondering – neither is yours.

Our worth isn’t determined by how well we do something, but how committed we are to doing it.

“Your worth isn’t determined by the number of your successes or failures, but by your commitment to the path.”

So yes, I may of been down this blogging road before (several times before), and yes it’s scary and I feel unsure of myself more often than not.

But I’ve been committed.

It may have veered off road here and there (such is life), but I always find myself back on this particular path.

It makes me think that instead of the universe trying to pull me away, maybe…just maybe, it’s actually trying to keep me on track.

Because I am worthy of my big dreams and bold goals.

Of life filled with joy, excitement, and creative fulfillment.

Of feeling accomplished and having purpose.

I’m worth it.

And so are you.

 

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing this post.
xx

  • Emma

    Yeah ..first ur decisions on travelling abroad wasn’t a bad idea but maybe not actually setting ur goals right was wrong ..not having aims..because any endeavours without goals most of the time …ends up being void.. so I think what u should have done was not to have made anxiety hold a good grip of u and you should have sat down to analyse wat exactly were your goals going Der and aimed at it with full attention with no distractions and it has helped me a lot …but anyways God has plans for everything…all things work together for good ..he knows why that happened ND I’m very sure u won’t regret it ..# Emma.. #love

    • AshleiCeeTee

      Thanks Emma – I totally agree, not having any set goals did put me into a weird void. I spent so much time planning on moving here, that I didn’t really think about what the plan was once I actually made it. But as you said – God has plans for everything, and I’m a firm believer things will work out the way they’re meant to, despite any detours you may take to get there 🙂

      Thanks for the comment!

      xx

  • Vianca fuster

    As a writer/ journalist, it’s WAY easy to use numbers to determine your worth. Especially when news outlets are striving for clicks, likes and high share numbers. For me, if I didn’t get as many views or reads that I thought I could’ve gotten, it made me feel like I didn’t do my job right. It made my work feel worthless. I think you really have to not only be committed to your path, but believe in your work and believe someone out there can resonate or learn something important from your work!

    • AshleiCeeTee

      Omg so true! Especially nowadays, for any type of content you create it’s always about the numbers, which can be really disheartening. Most people don’t realize how much actually goes into getting high numbers of clicks, likes, etc. – it isn’t soley based on the content you create, but also how it’s promoted, who it’s promoted to, how often, etc. etc.

      Also very true – not only do you have to be committed, but you also have to an unwavering belief in your work in order to keep at it.

      Thanks for commenting V! 😀